My Dying Wishes on the 101

  • Bury me with all my leotards, and move my rigor-mortised fingers into heaviest of metal signs
  • supply one (1)┬álife-size paper mache model of rihanna at my funeral. instead of candy, fill it with flash drives of ‘Boy Problems’ by Carly Rae Jepson
  • funnel my ashes into all of my beloved’s pepper sprays, where i may blind and burn their enemies forevermore