DSLR Picture of Millenial Doing Something Related to Article Topic
General intro styled to sound like a kid who didn’t read the book. End with a chummy question: “HAHA, ladies, wine/mommy-hood/health/generic mental health advice not tailored to the individual or life circumstance/murder/fashion– am I right?”
Weird box with Tweetable Quote!
More weird boxes so you can ‘Connect!”
(Connect WHAT, exactly? No one really knows. But we need to say it–relentlessly and with forced cheer.)
- Now for the bullet points
break down conventional wisdom with boring examples that reader already knows they won’t do
ex: stay hydrated by drinking water
- Make sure they’re bold
include some deeply uninteresting anecdote so the reader forgets they’re just a cog in the content-mill machine, baby. with time, the author will too.
please note: italics make people read things. Even if they don’t require emphasis.
- Need white space, cause people can’t read
this is actually smart. its way easier to read things that are properly spaced. I don’t have anything to complain about here. credit where credit is due.
NON SEQUITUR PIC #2
- Vaguely quote a semi-recent study, but only if you can do it without context
Don’t worry about the source, content, or date of publication. In fact, don’t even bother with academic journals or Google Scholar. Or just completely make it up! Who cares? Just hit your word count by any means necessary.
Author Bio – Two true facts followed by one zany observation and/or one-liner.
your choice of:
- a) professional headshot
- b) blurry overly-filtered icon
- c) standard-issue logo, further proving that the author doesn’t actually want to be associated with what they just did to us